Miller, Geidel and Associates

Non-Profit  Family Counseling Center

Creating a WARM...SECURE...HOME-LIKE Environment.

All About Grief Recovery^®

Grief

          The normal and natural reaction to any significant emotional loss is GRIEF.  While the death of a loved one is considered to be the most painful loss, divorce, retirement, financial and health issues can also be sources of significant grief.  Unfortunately, grief is often one of the least understood and most off limits topic of conversation in the western speaking world. Often grievers feel totally alone trying to deal with the conflicting emotions caused by loss.  Sadness, fear, anger, confusion, inability to concentrate, and sleeplessness are just some of the normal symptoms of grief.

            When unresolved issues are allowed to linger between two people, the emotions lie dormant.  Like an animal waiting to pounce on its prey, the living survivors fall victim to their grief when death strikes.  The Grief Recovery^® process affords you an opportunity to reclaim your circumstances rather than have your circumstances claim you and your quality of life.  The process teaches you how to complete losses, accept loss, and how to express what is in your heart -- a principle that debunks traditional social teachings:  We are taught how to acquire things in life, not what to do when we lose them.

Grief Hurts

When loss occurs, every familiar pattern changes and we sometimes feel as if the pain will continue forever.  In the Grief Recovery^® Outreach Program, you have the opportunity to eliminate the sense of incompleteness that often accompanies unresolved grief.  The healing process can take far less time than we have been led to believe.  Some of the missing elements are a safe, trusting and loving atmosphere in which to express our feelings and knowing what and how to communicate about whom or what we have lost.

        Many of us have mental lists of unhelpful information about how to deal with loss. Commonly held myths regarding death and grieving result from a society which seeks to avoid and deny death and the feelings associated with loss.  Consequently, the process of grieving and recovering from loss become more difficult and painful.  Myths often create unrealistic expectations which are placed on the griever, and may in turn, prevent family members, friends and society as a whole from fully understanding the meaning of losing a loved one and offering adequate and appropriate support.

The following are only some of the commonly held MYTHS about death and loss:

1.  Everyone grieves in the same way.

2.  Your grief will diminish over time.  ("Just give it time.")

3.  When your grief is resolved, it will never bother you again.

4.  Children and adults grieve in the same way.

5.  Children need to be protected from death and the grieving process.

6.  You and your family will not change after the loss of your loved one.

7.  Once someone you loved or cared about has died, you will no longer have a relationship with him or her.

8.  There is no reason, and it is inappropriate, to be angry with someone who has died.

9.  Bury your feelings. 

10. Once your loved one has died, it is better to put the deceased in the past and not focus on him or her, and to get on with your life as quickly as possible.

11.  Keeping busy will make the pain go away.

12.  Just give it time…you'll feel better.

13.  Grieve alone.  We get this message from those who mean well, but say and do things that lead us to withdraw and isolate rather than talk about what we're feeling.

14.  Replace the loss with something or someone that will fill the void and numb the feelings (no one and nothing can really accomplish this)

This kind of misinformation can lead you to keep making incorrect choices when losses occur.  We know that recovery from loss is achieved by a series of small and correct choices made by the griever.  The Grief Recovery Outreach Program creates a safe environment and provides the choices that help you "move beyond loss."

Grief Recovery^® Outreach Program

The purpose of the Grief Recovery^® Outreach Program is to help you learn appropriate skills that lead to successful completion of relationships that have ended or changed.  The program uses a format designed and written by the Grief Recovery Institute.  It creates a safe environment in which you can learn and practice the new actions that lead to recovery.  You will participate in exercises that will guide you through the process of Awareness, Acceptance, Recovery, Action, and Moving Beyond Loss.

Participating in a group or doing individual work means that you're open to your grief.  It means you're open to beginning a process of recovery that will actually enhance the quality of your life rather than limit it.  You are participating in the process because of what's right with you, not what's wrong.

The Grief Recovery^® Handbook

Many books effectively recreate the pain caused by loss.  What was lacking was a book that could clearly and concisely move you through the pain and lead to long-term recovery.  The Grief Recovery Handbook was written by John W. James and Russell P. Friedman, specifically to assist you in taking clearly defined recovery actions that enable you to move beyond the pain of your loss.  John and Russell have both felt the pain, isolation and confusion caused by loss.  A strong belief in spiritual principles coupled with trial and experience led them to discover a simple, yet effective method of completing relationships that have ended.  This process is called Grief Recovery^®. 

For more information about the Grief Recovery^® process and the institute browse their website at www.grief-recovery.com

About Jeanne (Grief Recovery^® Specialist)

Her personal story:  The death of her father in 1987

When my father died in 1987, I felt alone like never before.  I was angry that life around me continued as though nothing had changed, when in fact, my father's death seemed to change everything.  I couldn't concentrate.  I lost my motivation and energy to work.  No matter how much I persevered to regain some semblance of normalcy in my life, the sadness remained.   

I had always had a close relationship with my father, yet never quite resolved the discord that arose between the two of us after I moved to California from my family's native Pennsylvania.  Though my father never accepted my move, the two of us kept in relatively close touch for the next fifteen years.  When he died in 1987, the unanswered questions and unresolved issues between us began to overshadow every area of my life.  Although I had returned to his bedside in the hospital, talked about and resolved a lot of things, told him that I loved him, and finally received his long awaited approval to return to California and continue to make it my home, it did not prepare me for the aftermath of his death. 

After two years of feeling numb, unable to pursue new ventures, and second guessing most of what I felt, (as though I were walking around in the dark), I discovered the Grief Recovery Handbook:  A Step-by-Step Program for Moving Beyond Loss.  I learned how to move beyond living in the "if onlys" of the past, avoiding the present, and fearing the future, following the steps of this handbook.  The process was so totally life-changing for me, that I contacted John James, founder of the Grief Recovery Institute and author of the Grief Recovery Handbook, and asked him to teach me everything he knew about helping grievers.  In short, I completed the institute's Grief Recovery Certification Process, grieved every significant emotional loss in my own life, and at this time a good part of the work I do as a Marriage and Family Therapist is dedicated to helping other grievers move beyond loss to a richer, more fulfilling life.

If you are interested in learning more about the Grief Recovery^®  process or information with respect to participation in one of her groups, you can contact Jeanne at jeanne@familycounselingagency.org